Response from a Reader

letter   The following letter is an email I received in response to a blog post I wrote a few weeks ago.  You can read the post HERE

Their is nothing a writer loves more than to know his writing has touched someone.  I am so thankful that God has allowed me this outlet to express my love for Him and my desire to beautifully reflect Him.



(Response to The I’s Have It 5/19/09)…part 1

     Admittedly, I am one of the people who the author talks about whom are “increasingly dedicated to finding our purpose or God’s will for our life.”  I have prayed for God to show me a “burning bush moment” too many times to count.  When I was 11, I was in so much pain emotionally, physically, and spiritually, that I asked God to take me home.  I could not imagine why He would put me or allow me to be in a place where no one understood me, (or in my flawed perception…no one would care).

     Why am I here? What does God want from me? Why do I feel so hopeless and without purpose?  I could not hear God…the only option I had to protect myself was to close off from the pain and shut everyone out.  Through God’s grace, patience, and perseverance, (His as well as select people he brought into my life) He has helped me through many trails and temptations.  When I was about 21 years old, after an indirect effort on my part to end my life, God put Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29:10 into my heart, and thanks to Him working through my niece, I made a promise to never again make an effort to end everything.  I still wasn’t able to hear God or understand why I was brought here, but I knew then without a doubt (and as I can see now looking back, that I really was here for a purpose.  Many people would tell me that I was not here for selfish reasons, and that I was supposed to be in the world, but not of it…I was set apart, but I didn’t really accept or internalize it until much later.  It is a universal truth that the Lord can take us home at any time, and everything truly is about His perfect timing and purpose for our lives.

     I continued to question my purpose, and also be frustrated at the seeming lack of interest from Him.  I kept trying to find earthly reasons for my existence.  Anyone who even barely knew or knows me would tell you that MY biggest goal in life was / is to have a family of my own…but that wasn’t, and so far isn’t HIS plan for me at the moment.  I finally gave up pushing so hard for that, and eventually (after 4 Ph.D application denials), have accepted that very seldom does anyone find out what their purpose(s) is/are.  It is clear to me that God wants us to be childlike in our faith (Mt. 18:3) and start out very small in our work for His kingdom.  As the previous author stated…and I truly believe, if we do the small (seemingly unimportant at times, though it may be) stuff (i.e. cleaning latrines in the previous article), God will most assuredly ask us to do greater and bigger things through Him, for the good of His kingdom and people.  I feel it is immensely important that we keep praying for guidance and direction (Jeremiah 29:12) and asking the people we trust for help with our mission.

     I don’t know where I am going on this earth, but I do know I am here to do His will and to do what I can to bring my small part of His plan to fruition.  The reason I can’t see anything more detailed than that is simple…I am not ready.  Thankfully, He has given me awesome, God inspired, brothers and sisters to help me on my journey, and I have been given to them to aid them in theirs.  I am constantly reminded that I must many times allow myself to “Be still and know…” (Psalms 46:10)…while I wait for His timing, so I can continue on in my service to Him.  May God Bless you as you continue to seek His truth for your life.  “Burning bush” moment or not, He is with us always (Mt. 28:20).

  First let me reiterate that you (the reader) are very important to God.  Each of us are so valuable that God sent His Son to die a horrible death on the cross so that we can be with God in heaven forever.  Nowhere in the Bible is their a verse that says we are unimportant.  However, we are also a selfish and prideful people with a heart that is naturally bent towards wanting more than we have.  In a non-Christian’s life this is expected and normal, but in a Christian’s life this is the opposite of how we should act and feel.  Christians are supposed to love like Christ, rejoice when others succeed, and be happy when God uses someone to accomplish great things for Him.  But too often we get wrapped up in self and become bitter toward God because He hasn’t made us successful (as we envision success) or we aren’t where our plan was supposed to have us.  There is a country song out that says “if you want to hear God laugh tell Him your plans.”  How true!  God has a plan for all of us, it is written out clearly and concisely in His Word.  All we have to do is read it and obey.  Like my friend said, small things before big things.  You can’t put a three year old behind theBig_Wheel wheel of a race car and expect him to win a race, but you can start him out on a Big Wheel and let him terrorize the cat.  If you want to “do great things for God” start by doing the small things really well. 

  Never give up on your dreams, just be willing to do something else if God tells you to.


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