The Monster Within

monster I have a monster that lives inside of me.  A monster that comes out at the worst times, the times I least want or expect him to.  He has several names.  Sometimes the monster is called Anger.  Sometimes his name is Envy.  Lust has made an appearance or two as has Worry, Bitterness, and Depression.  I have many monsters in the closet, some under the bed and even one or two in the glove box in my car.  I try to hide my monsters, sometimes I put a costume on them like I am trying to disguise them as something else, but the monster is still there, just below the mask.  I’m scared of my monsters most of the time but, truth be told, I like some of my monsters at times as well.  It feels good to get angry and not care who your words hurt, lust is fun sometimes, and sometimes I just want to be depressed and not be interested in the world.  The problem is my monsters aren’t happy to just be let free occasionally, they want to run wild.

Remember when you were a child and you had monsters living under your bed?  You would be laying there and all of a sudden you would just know, the monster is under my bed and he’s going to get me.  Then you realize your foot was dangling over the edge and you could just feel the monsters breath on your big toe.  Suddenly you jerk your foot back under the covers because we all know monsters can’t get past the Blanket Force Field.  As you get older, you start to doubt the existence of the monster and maybe you even defiantly leave your big toe exposed thinking, I can live without my toe.  A few days later you stick a foot out, then a leg.  Soon the monster fades from memory and you become an adult.  Then you learn there are real monsters to be scared of.

Unfortunately the same cycle seems to repeat itself.  The first time you’re angry and hurt someone you make a big deal out of it but the more you let anger rule you the less it concerns you.  The first lustful thought that occurs after you’re married makes you feel guilty but after a while it becomes “normal”.  The first time you have a suicidal thought it scares you, but soon suicide seems like a great way to end the depression.

All our monsters start small, but the more we feed them the bigger they grow.  A life of anger will eventually kill someone, maybe not physically but it will definitely cause the death of relationships.  Unchecked lust starts by checking out a hot girls/guys body and ends up checking into a motel room.  Envy begins by wishing you had a new car like Tom next door and ends with going bankrupt because the payment on your new Corvette was too high.  Bitterness says, “I will punish the person that hurt me.”, but ends with high blood pressure and heart attacks.  Worry starts small, but like a weed planted in the garden of the heart, grows until it chokes out everything we used to place our trust in.

gremlin Monsters!  They start small, even cute and cuddly, just like Gizmo from the Gremlins movie.  But like Gremlins, add some water and feed them and before you know it, there are hundreds of them and they are hideous looking.  All they leave is destruction in their path. 


How do we deal with our monsters?  How do I deal with mine?  I do what Paul says in Philippians,

 8 Brothers and sisters, think about the things that are good and worthy of praise. Think about the things that are true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected.9 Do what you learned and received from me, what I told you, and what you saw me do. And the God who gives peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9, New Century Version)

Kind of a “look on the positive side” mentality for life.  Only it goes far deeper than that.  God, through Paul, is saying, “Meditate on My words.  Be grounded in My teachings.  Entwine the concepts and instructions contained in the Bible so deeply into your life, heart and mind that there is no room for monsters to grow.”  

You see, fertilizing the soil of your heart with Biblical concepts is like spraying monster-killer on the monsters of discouragement, anger, lust, depression and every other monster that tries to keep God from our lives. 

Think of it this way, God is an opposite God.  For every monster in us there is an opposite characteristic in God that can and wants to help us.

Anger- Peace

Bitterness- Joy

Lust- Faithfulness

Worry- Trustworthy

Depression- Hope

Envy- Contentment

Hate- Love

The Bible has the ability to, as Romans 12:2 describes, “transform or change us, from the inside out!”

Do you want to get rid of your monster?  It’s simple, not easy.  The more “Good Stuff” we put in, the more “bad stuff” it pushes out!  The more we become like Jesus, the less we act like our monsters.

Here’s a song by the Christian band Skillet.  The song is called Monster.  The song is pretty Rockish, very Lincoln Park if you know who that is.  If you don’t like Rock take a look at the lyrics under the video.


Monster lyrics
The secret side of me
I never let you see
I keep it caged, but I can’t control it, so stay away from me, the beast
Is ugly, I feel the rage, and I just can’t hold it
It’s scratchin on the walls
In the closet, in the halls
It comes awake, and I can’t control it
Hidin’ under the bed
In my body, in my head
Why won’t somebody come and save me from this? Make it end!
I feel it deep within
Just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster!
I hate what I’ve become
The nightmare’s just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster!
I feel like a monster!
My secret side I keep
Hid under lock and key
I keep it caged, but I can’t control it, ’cause if I let him out,
He’ll tear me up, break me down
Why won’t somebody come and save me from this? Make it end!
It’s hidin’ in the dark
Its teeth are razor sharp
There’s no escape for me
It wants my soul, it wants my heart
No one can hear me scream
Maybe it’s just a dream
Or maybe it’s inside of me
Stop this monster!

Does that describe you?  Are you trying to escape the monster?  You can’t hide from your monsters, they’re inside you.  You have to face them, confront them and allow God to deal with them.  By letting God change you from the inside out you allow Him to banish the evil within and nurture the love of Jesus for us and others. 

A new life is waiting.

Did you like this post?  Did you hate it?  Please share it with your friends and leave a comment below.  I would love to read your thoughts and opinions.

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3 Responses

  1. Per usual, this was an amazingly accurate portrayal of the daily struggles we all have… I have more than most, but far less than some others-this helps to keep things in perspective. I tend to keep my ‘eye on the prize’-or rather on what is good in my life as you suggest. There are so many positives in our lives if we seek to appreciate them, rather than dwell on what is not right/wrong. Life is difficult and rewarding simultaneously, so the good doesn’t come without the bad at some point and as long as we understand and are semi-prepared for it, (i.e. grounded in our belief systems and supported by those we surround ourselves with) then we have the ability to weather any storm…
    Just think-it’s a lot harder to run and hide from your inner demons your whole life than to face them in defiance and banish them forever! (I hear the Braveheart speech in the background lol.)Thanks Shawn, you’re a great role model and friend…keep at it!

  2. Wow! That is a very powerful piece!

    You most certainly have a gift for words!

  3. Thanks Hannah, and thanks for stopping by.

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