The other day I used a verse in a post that said “God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28 NLT
I truly believe it and yet the last few weeks have been a series of ups and downs for me. I have battled depression and fear. I have wrestled with my faith in God and fought against disbelief. A war has raged in my very heart for control of my destiny.
Every prayer held the same phrase, “Lord, help my unbelief. Give me faith in You!” Most times I held onto my absolute trust in God, but to be completely honest and transparent, it hasn’t been easy. Some days were harder than others. When Amy would call and was having a hard time with the kids because I wasn’t there, when I would be all alone in my little motel room, when life seemed to crawl by, at these times I would loose heart and feel disconnected from God. But looking back I can see that God was there, carrying me like a father carries his child on his shoulders; in the phone calls from friends, in the comments on my facebook page from people praying for me, in the amazing Quiet Times I had with God.
Another verse stands out to me as well, Hebrews 13:5b “be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (NIV)
This I have tried to do. I have sought to be content with my circumstances and realize that God is in control. I am His to do with as He sees fit. This is hard for me, I like to be in charge. I like to make my own decisions. To allow God to be in charge is to give up what I want to hold on to, “me”.
It hasn’t been easy, I have been stressed like never before, but my faith, or at least my desire to have faith in God, has been rewarded. God has stepped in at the Eleventh Hour, just as He promised. Actually, He didn’t “step in” as He has been here all along, He just made His presence more fully known by pulling everything together at the last moment.
Does God have a Hero Complex? Does He enjoy tormenting us? NO! What He does enjoy is seeing the faith His children have in Him and rewarding those who honestly seek Him and want to have their faith increased. But a secondary motive arises as well, this allows us to see where our faith truly is. I can look back and see how small my faith was but how great my desire was to have faith in Him. Now, looking back from the other side of the valley I can see how little I started with and how much I ended with.
How about you? Are you in a valley? How’s your faith? It doesn’t have to be strong right now but the desire to have faith in God must be strong. Call out to Him. Ask Him to help your unbelief. I did, and it made all the difference.
In Mark 9 we read of a father with a child afflicted with seizures and unable to control himself. The young boy was possessed of an unclean spirit/sickness. The father asks Jesus to heal his son but adds, “If you can.” Jesus looks at him and says, “If I can? Everything is possible for him who believes.” The father recognizes his lack of faith and immediately cries out to Jesus, “I do believe. Lord, help me overcome my unbelief.” Immediately Jesus heals his son.
That’s what I cried out as well, in the darkness and loneliness of my motel room, “Lord I believe, help me overcome my unbelief!” And He did!
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I’m not Einstein!